Hey y’all. So it’s been a while since we’ve just talked. But I would like to do more conversational posts like this where we just hangout and sort of touch base on everything that’s going on. Maybe we could discuss some goals or things we’re working on– the different directions life is pulling us in.
Right now it is: A little after one in the morning and I have been wanting to write this post all day long. I’m imagining these words reaching all of you, wherever and whoever you may be. Maybe you’re taking a beat to read this on your phone in between million-mile-an-hour type daily events. Maybe it will make you smile. Or maybe this is finding you when there’s no one around and you’re in need of a gentle reminder that you are not alone. I hope you know you’re not alone. And you are so very, very loved.
What the world looks like from where I’m sitting: Low Lighting brought you by candles, an upcycled lamp, and my color-changing oil diffusor. The room is full of whites and grays and creams all soft and clean and inviting. Natural wood accents. Books on books on books. Beautiful gilded hardbacks and well-loved paperbacks frayed around the edges. A ridiculously cool-looking oversized crochet and ribbon dreamcatcher that I’m quite proud of. And disgustingly content fur babies.
I’m currently listening to: “Indian Summer” by Jai Wolf (seriously, check it out–I’ve been playing it on repeat for just about everything), my dog snoring, and the bubbling of my diffuser as it fades from aquamarine into indigo and plum.
And feeling: Determined. Exhausted. Frustrated–but in an impatient I-understand-these-are-just-growing-pains kind of way, not in a destructive way. Young. Infinite. Like how you feel when you’re cruising under the streetlights, flying your hand out the open window going nowhere and everywhere all at the same time. Just like that…
And worrying: about a lot of the same things you’re probably all worrying about. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Could I be doing this better? They’re misunderstanding me–what should I do? I shouldn’t have said that. Should I have said that? I probably should have said anything but that. And yet, I’m still here. Still doing great things, even if they’re small and insignificant to some. I’m doing a good job even if some people would say the opposite. What I have to say matters, even when they twist my words or when someone else’s voice seems so much louder and earnest. I am no less valid or worthy of any of the great things this world has to offer. And neither are you.
I am working toward: some big things as I head into the new year. Not just 2018 by my 28th year. I’ve been doing some soul searching and there are some things I want to really focus on in these last couple years of my twenties. I want to revisit vegetarianism or possibly pescatarianism. Those of you who know me IRL know that I spent roughly 5-6 years as a vegetarian when I was younger and then I slowly phased out as a pescatarian before jumping back into full-on herbivore mode. There were a lot of things I loved about being vegetarian and being more conscious about what I was putting into my body. Part of my journey to really loving myself was learning how to not punish myself or my body for what it was and what it wasn’t. It’s a daily struggle that never really goes away but the fear no longer drives me the way that it once did. And I’d like to get back to something healthy that had such a positive effect on my life. Perhaps more importantly, I want to do it right this time. Not as another restriction or way of justifying destructive behavior but as a way of meeting my body as it is and elevating myself both inside and out. I also want to get back into yoga and/or meditation which promote strong spiritual growth as well as physical strength and flexibility. If this seems like something y’all would be interested in, please feel free to comment below or send me a message. I’d love to receive and reciprocate whatever support I can moving forward.
I hope: I hope this reaches you. You know who you are. The quiet ones. The fake-it-until-you-make-it ones. The ones who keep going until they can’t anymore. I hope something in this post or any of the others resonates with you. I hope you take a breath and realize just how very beautifully small you are in the grand design and how big of a role your smallness is. No one else has your you-ness. So wear that super nerdy t-shirt. Cut your hair off or grow it out. Go vegan. Or don’t. Tackle a new hobby like rock climbing or maybe keep your feet on the ground and invest in a nice pet rock. Whatever you decide, make it your own. And own that shit, babe. Because you are you. And that’s pretty fucking awesome. So until next time, I wish you all good things. Always. I mean that. Xo